shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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