My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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