you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
