So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
