Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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