I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
