Porn is love you can see.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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