I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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