I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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