I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
