Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
