Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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