Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
