That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
50% drunk capacity currently
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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