now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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