I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
