i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
