i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
