I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
