I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
