wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
