why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize