It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are my feet made of real feet?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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