He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
