I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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