There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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