Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.

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(515): i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty. http://tfl.nu/51bx

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(239): View more from Florida

So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.

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(239): So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life. http://tfl.nu/5out

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....

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(918): Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out.... http://tfl.nu/hiy4

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(917): View more from New York City

So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat

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(917): So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat http://tfl.nu/4q7b

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(315): View more from New York

Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.

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(315): Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library. http://tfl.nu/bcrx

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(803): View more from South Carolina

She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.

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(803): She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient. http://tfl.nu/2q61

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

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(814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now. http://tfl.nu/xg11

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.

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(617): we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over. http://tfl.nu/igug

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(415): View more from California

I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.

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(415): I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW. http://tfl.nu/hy3p

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(647): View more from Ontario

Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.

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(647): Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor. http://tfl.nu/ry4y

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.

(1-601): View more from Mississippi

Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?

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(601): You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench. (1-601): Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan? http://tfl.nu/mbl9

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(716): View more from New York

There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.

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(716): There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now. http://tfl.nu/bttm

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.

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(919): Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork. http://tfl.nu/g3ta

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(309): View more from Illinois

Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.

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(309): Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror. http://tfl.nu/0k0h

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I put xanax in the cake batter

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

Did you really? It all makes sense now.

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(201): I put xanax in the cake batter (1-201): Did you really? It all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/asjy

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