I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.