Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties