How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.