The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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