My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.