how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.