WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.