My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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