Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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