the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
These tits shall not be calmed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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