I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
