I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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