You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
