Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
