remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
