first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
