We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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