I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
