It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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