i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
