i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
