I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
