he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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