...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
