Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize