Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
