she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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