woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
