make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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