You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
