There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The ass gains better be worth it
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