is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
