All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
