3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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