my soul wont recognize me after tonight
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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