Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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