lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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