I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
