She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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