im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
